Minds are like parachutes - they only work when they're open

thanks :P

2006-07-20T12:12:03Z

Thanks to havatalk:P for the gif, thankies... i'm sleepy so it's short here - luv ya
J

personality type

2006-05-19T10:59:04Z

This is what happens when my psych teacher tells me where to take a test to see my personality type, I think this fits but who knows:P I feel better about deciding to go into teaching.

The Idealists called Teachers are abstract in their thought and speech, cooperative in their style of achieving goals, and directive and extraverted in their interpersonal relations. Learning in the young has to be beckoned forth, teased out from its hiding place, or, as suggested by the word "education," it has to be "educed." by an individual with educative capabilities. Such a one is the eNFj(extraverted, intuitive, feeling, judging), thus rightly called the educative mentor or Teacher for short. The Teacher is especially capable of educing or calling forth those inner potentials each learner possesses. Even as children the Teachers may attract a gathering of other children ready to follow their lead in play or work. And they lead without seeming to do so.

Teachers expect the very best of those around them, and this expectation, usually expressed as enthusiastic encouragement, motivates action in others and the desire to live up to their expectations. Teachers have the charming characteristic of taking for granted that their expectations will be met, their implicit commands obeyed, never doubting that people will want to do what they suggest. And, more often than not, people do, because this type has extraordinary charisma.

The Teachers are found in no more than 2 or 3 percent of the population. They like to have things settled and arranged. They prefer to plan both work and social engagements ahead of time and tend to be absolutely reliable in honoring these commitments. At the same time, Teachers are very much at home in complex situations which require the juggling of much data with little pre-planning. An experienced Teacher group leader can dream up, effortlessly, and almost endlessly, activities for groups to engage in, and stimulating roles for members of the group to play. In some Teachers, inspired by the responsiveness of their students or followers, this can amount to genius which other types find hard to emulate. Such ability to preside without planning reminds us somewhat of an Provider, but the latter acts more as a master of ceremonies than as a leader of groups. Providers are natural hosts and hostesses, making sure that each guest is well looked after at social gatherings, or that the right things are expressed on traditional occasions, such as weddings, funerals, graduations, and the like. In much the same way, Teachers value harmonious human relations above all else, can handle people with charm and concern, and are usually popular wherever they are. But Teachers are not so much social as educational leaders, interested primarily in the personal growth and development of others, and less in attending to their social needs.

What do ya reckon?:P
J

Phone people suck ass

2006-05-08T14:31:43Z

Ok, so I complained about the complications that come with getting a different phone. Well what I forgot to say was that after spending an hour and a half waiting to get the deal done that was told to us, we decided to buy a car charger... logical yes? Well I asked specifically if the one the attendant gave us would work with the handset we just got. She said yes... I'm like ok but the model numbers on the pack don't match the numbers on the handset. So I asked a second time to ensure they understood why I was asking and the answer was the same.... that charger will work with the phone. So we toddle off home... and we get into the phone, swap SIMs and such... then we get to look at the charger - and wouldn't u know it, it does not fit!!! It was like 2.5 times larger than the jack that it was meant to go into. So needless to say I was pissed off cos I had asked specifically, and had double checked the answer. (apparently that pisses some ppl off - but stiff shit) So, Adrienne then spent like 30 minutes on the phone trying to get the number for the store we went to. Apparently all the 3 stores are unlisted... what fucking help is that??? So we finally get a hold of them and Adrienne tells them that they gave us the wrong one and how we should go about getting a replacement, so it was all sorted. Then we went in today to get the replacement and I got snarky at the attendant (not the same person that we talked to the first time) Anyways, it got all sorted and we got little holder things that can hang from my belt loop or hanging on my neck... so i'm happy now. But as far as i'm concerned - if you work in a phone shop, u should know what the fuck you are selling and not say yes to a question that you aren't sure about. So yeah... incompetant people really really shit me - have you noticed? Ok well that was my little piece on what is worth chatting about in my little life right now...
Till the next time something gets on my nerves... or I feel like bringing something up outta the depths of my brain/soul/spirit... something..
Laterzzz J

Is this me?

2006-05-08T13:16:12Z

I know only like 3 people (that I know of) read this journal but... let's see if it fits.

JULY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has great reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. easily hurt but takes long to recover.

This is me talking now... not the july thingy... I agree with some of it...but yeah...let me know what u think:P
J

new phone frustrations

2006-05-07T11:47:32Z

Well, I got a new handset - an upgrade to a triband phone so I can use it in the USA without having to buy a prepaid or something. I like it but I don't ... I can't figure out the menu and how to change things that I wanna. I haven't read the instructions yet... but I don't need to do i??? :P hehehehe anyways... on my old phone I bought like 15 games and 15 tones or so - $7 each and I can't transfer them to my new handset!!! I'm like spewing cos come onnnnnnnnn. I can't play the games without the SIM card in the old handset either. and it took me like 45 minutes to figure out how to get all my numbers into the new handset... but that was old handset frustrations not new ones:P *sigh*
I suppose a little frustration now is better than frustration while we are in the states when I should be having fun.
Phone frustration aside, my teachers are being really cool about me going away at the end of june. This is making me stress alot less but it's not gone all together. I still haven't managed to get in to see a counsellor to know how to apply for VTAC and to set things up so I won't get my payment stopped cos of my absences. anyways, just a short one... just wanting to veg out right now.
J

Motivation

2006-05-03T13:51:05Z

Why is it that I can be motivated to do homework when I'm on the way home from school but once there I find other things more interesting? Like CHORES for fuck's sake. I want to pass well and I know I have stuff to do... but I end up doing chores, organising stuff, replacing light bulbs.... I mean come on - I hate doing that stuff anyways. It's good that I'm doing the chores but still I need to get my ass in gear. It's the same with exercising - I plan to do it... get all organised to do it whether it's my weights or a bike ride or whatever. I'll get ready to start and see something else that needs to be done...*Sigh* That prolly means that I don't wanna do it enough and I need to work on my will power but I mean... how the hell am i meant to do that??? I want to be fitter, I want to be lighter but I don't know - maybe I feel like that sort of thing should take a back burner to other tasks that need to be done.
One good thing that happened today was that I found out that I am the only one who actually did the bloody women's studies homework so I got brownie points with the teacher:P:P:P hehehehehe Also on monday, my tourism teacher told me that he is basically forming the assignment due dates about when I go on holiday with adrienne. As I said before, my biology teacher apparently thinks I'm amazing... and he didn't care that I hadn't done the assigned homework...which is great because I never got around to doing it.
Well the first week of term 2 is nearly done... I'm not as stressed as I thought I would be, and I'm sort of ok with the idea of being at 85-90% for 3 of my classes and 100% so far for women's studies. The next big concern is my mid year exams for the 2 subjects that are "PES" subjects and the major assignments for my other 2. I'll be missing 2 full weeks of school at the end on the term which makes life a tad bit difficult.
I'm not sleeping well... haven't been for a while... my brain just won't shut down and I'm either too hot or too cold and on the verge of being physically ill.
Well I guess it's time to try and sleep without seeing dinner once more. Charming thought I know and I'm sorry. Talk soon J.

Good things in life... Do I know what they are?

2006-04-20T12:04:32Z

Well, this is a change... having something else to say so close to my last post:P. Moving on. As the title suggests, this one may be a lil more positive.
Ok well, last week during week ten of my first term of year 12 (Round 2), I realised that I am sitting on about 85% for Biology, 90% for Psychology & Tourism and full marks for Women's Studies. So I'm kinda proud of that, but I wish I hadn't lost so many marks on my biology test and the Practical write up. So anyways, that has me feeling good about this year but I am still a little worried that I won't improve my score at the end of the year. I feel immense pressure to keep the 100% in Women's Studies, and I get confused when I try to figure out how to pull up my other marks. So it's a double edged sword, I have decent marks but I feel pressured which makes me stess and makes me drop marks.... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh grrrrrrrr
Last thursday, I had homework to hand up for biology but life didn't cooperate and I didn't manage to get it done. I talked to the teacher and he was cool, he proceeded to tell me "You may not realise this but I think you are an amazing person" I have not clue why and I was too stunned to ask why... but it seems that all the teachers like me but I have no friends from school.
Another thing that shits me (not so much about the good things in life anymore), my tourism class had an excursion last monday(not easter monday - obviously)... it cost me $10. I don't mind paying it though cos the teacher said we wouldn't be able to do the next assignment without going to this tour thing. Only about half the class showed up (8), and only half of them showed up on time - they were told an earlier time so they would show up on time and they still couldn't manage that!!! And now the other half of the class will expect to get the information for free... I was told that I couldn't do the next assignment without spending $10 to go on this tour... It's NOT fair for them not to go and still get the information... Anyways, that's all I have to say on this... I may not not get deep inside my brain cos it scares me, but venting my frustrations about stupid and ignorant people that crop up
J

Past Influences

2006-04-20T11:40:20Z

Well, I keep trying to write more but my brain isn't co-operating. Yesterday I went to my sister's for "Easter Lunch" which I thought it was meant to be just a family thing. Then theresa and her 7 y.o. son jack show up - i didn't know they were going to be there; this made me on edge because I hadn't done my hair and I wasn't feel well to begin with.
My mum cooked fish for lunch (i don't eat fish except for tuna), which of course she didn't remember. She never remembers what I don't eat, but I will give her credit - she remembered that Adrienne is allergic to citrus so she didn't serve only lemon fish fillets so she gets credit for that. We moved into a general catch up, but i felt restricted cos theresa was there, and Adrienne seemed more defensive cos she didn't know theresa.
Now as a little background, every time I've caught up with my mum and sister, we have been bringing up things from when my sister and I were little. Like how much my sister despised me and wished that she was my mum's favourite instead of me or how whenever I was hurt in primary school people would go get her saying "your little sister is hurt". In retaliation to my sister being so annoyed at being disturbed when I was hurt or whatever, until year 7 for me (year 8 for her) I was only known as "Vicky's little sister"... Do you have ANY idea how infuriating it is not to be seen as an individual person? And then it happened all over again at highschool. Needless to say the convo wasn't exactly the nicest it could have been...Vicky not remembering any of the horrible things that she did to me, saying stuff like I was in the uncool/unpopular group at school. But I NEVER claimed I was part of the cool crowd, nor did I want to be. In the end of it, I ended up calling her a slut without actually saying the word (my 7 y.o. niece and jack were in earshot).
So the day was less than pleasant I guess, and it REALLY got me pissed off. Past visits haven't been that good either... my mum isn't supportive of me studying, saying that I could get a job where she works - insinuating that I should be working, not furthering my education. Also when I have brought up past career thoughts - what I was thinking about doing at the time - doing a bar & waiting course, doing stuff in IT etc, my family has been INCREDIBLY unsupportive. Even now when I am thinking about Teaching or Nursing, they are just like "Whatever you say Jen". When I said that there is a course where I can get accredited for both primary and highschool teaching in victoria my mum went psycho. She's acting like it was a really big favour for her to move back to town where she is closer to me after being in Mt. Gambier and Naracoorte. I swear it was my mum who talked my sister out of moving up to Qld to work at a resort as a massage therapist. My mum acts like I shouldn't move away for school just after she moved back here.
Then she shows me a list of stuff that she wants for her birthday, magnetic wool underlay... that's all I can remember right now but I can't afford to even go half with my sister before I get back from my US trip. She keeps complaining that I don't put enough on the credit card but if I was to pay half for it I would have to put it on the credit card. I just can't win.
I keep trying to improve my relationship with my mum but I just can't seem to gt anywhere with it. This is my vent for the today... that's been stewing for like 4 days.
Jen

happy, annoyed, happy, no wait - ANGRY

2006-04-07T08:37:24Z

Ok the last two or so weeks... i've been an emotional yo-yo. Yes i've had my not so nice monthly friend... but that isn't the reason.
I worked for 4 hours at the state election, and i got paid $19 an hour... so yay, happiness. The money went into the savings account for our trip... so yay.. we are going to have enough to have a great holiday. But then my teachers get cranky that i will be out 9 school days and say, "why didn't you plan it for during the holidays?" Never mind the fact that i am at the top of my classes, I think 3 of them at least. I'm the student who passes up things early or on time while the rest of the fucking class hands it up late - up to 3 classes late!!!
I worked really really hard to study for my biology exam, and I still got an A but the chick who didn't do any studying fluked it and got 8 more marks than me... why do i fucking bother??? I bust my gut trying to stay up with classes and being there for adrienne when she needs me and cooking, cleaning, the usual house shit. And then someone who doesn't study at all flukes it and gets the top mark in the class. I mean I was happy that I got an A but I only barely got an A - 1% over the threshold... but still I am trying sooooo hard to get better marks. This week I had so many things to juggle... a tourism assignment, a psychology essay which was due today(friday), a biology practical to hand up, and dealing with the psychology sleep data from my mum and Adrienne. I have a Psych test next week that I don't feel anywhere near ready for.
I miss my friends... I feel like I have no one down in town... my sister and my mum don't count... I mean my friends from highschool. I went up to the hills again last weekend, saw tammi - one of my best friends, my grandma and my dad by choice... my estranged aunt and uncle were at my grandma's house, which made my mum a not so nice person to be around. I was happy to see Tammi... but I hated leaving... I didn't want to... I miss being able to get everywhere in 2-5kms... everywhere here is far away, it's 11kms to where we shop... picking up Adrienne from Tafe is 12 round trip... and then i have to deal with city traffic, i can but it's aggravating how many fuck heads are on the roads in the city. Also to see any of my friends or even my dad it's 40kms each way which is a phenomenal amount of petrol when it's about $1.30/L.
When I went up to my dad's I got some stuff of mine that i've been wanting but it smells and now I can't fathom how I ever managed to deal with all the smoke in that house. I'm thinking that I need to go up in the holidays to clear more of my stuff outta his house... but yeah...i am getting very frustrated is all.
Also this week, I handed up my biology practical and the teacher still hasn't returned my formative test that I want so I can use it for studying for other tests. Then I went up the stairs to my class for wednesday afternoon, I got a blood nose - I didn't hit it, I didn't do anything to it, it just started bleeding, I nearly fell down the stairs trying to get to the bathroom, bleeding all over one of my favourite shirts. It took about 30 minutes to stop bleeding... I was so annoyed, I haven't had a blood nose that severe for like 6 years... and I only have had a non-impact blood nose once before. On the upside, I got full marks for my women's studies assignment that I was so worried about. I also handed up my tourism assignment, which means I don't have to show up next wednesday if I don't want to.
Today, I was informed that the other Psych class gets 5 weeks to do the same essay that my class was only given one week to do... I am so irritated... I could have done without the stress of this assignment, It's getting nearer to the first set of holidays, and I guess everyone is getting shitty.
I'm just totally over double standards and the fact that my will power is waning and I just can't seem to stick to something that I want to - like losing the weight i want to. Am I just not having a good month or am i justified in my frustration...??
Maybe I just need to have a break, i'm hanging for the holidays maybe? Who knows? maybe I need help to deal with my weight... anyways, enough for now I've blabbered on long enough.
J

Loneliness

2006-03-05T12:06:30Z

Why is it that I can feel lonely in a room or a gym full of people...? I feel lonely inside my own brain... inside my own thoughts I get lost... I lose focus and my life loses all aim, trying to find it once again can take days... have I made the right choices??? Will I make a decent teacher... a decent mother?? The thing is I don't want to be just decent I want to be fucking great at it.
Why is it that I don't have any passion? for a career, for myself?? I feel so very very ordinary... everyone I know has a skill or talent ... what's mine? Apart from talking... I don't think I have any. I don't want to be one of the crowd... I want to be better than what i came from... but then comes the question of loneliness... I'm lonely in a crowd how fucking lonely will I be at the front of the pack...
I feel like I'm being strangled by my life... constantly counting pennies... constantly wishing for more... Old habits rising back up, making me feel horrible...

I know I can do things but I worry that I can't, that niggling worry that eats away at my confidence so I don't try ... and then regret not trying - do you get the never ending circle that I live in??? I don't want to go back to working at dominos or kmart but I feel stagnant sometimes... I feel I'm not pulling my weight... I feel like I should be working...

Should I follow the beaten path or beat my own and strive to be the one in front??? I'm 21, I thought I was meant to feel invincible till i hit 25???
who the fuck knows... life shouldn't be this hard.
J

about me

2006-03-02T05:22:35Z

Well um...
I grew up in the adelaide hills going to school up there as well. When my parents broke up when i was little, I was shuttled from each house whenever my sister wanted to live with one or the other parent. We couldn't get along and I was put in the opposite house to her... started some of my insecurities I guess.
I started martial arts when I was seven - karate - and I loved doing it. I kept going till I was 12... I managed to get to first dan blackbelt and the fact that I gave it up is one of the biggest regrets of my life. If I had kept with it... but now I would have redone 2 belts and still be at least a 3rd dan by now and I wouldn't have the weight issues that I do now or at least not as many. I was told that I could only do karate OR basketball, not both... and because I didn't look beyond the next month I didn't realise how much the karate was keeping me in shape and keeping my aggression in check. I found out later that I have higher than normal testosterone for women so my aggression is a little high. I stuck with basketball and soon I was offered the chance to play for a city team... perhaps leading to being a constant part of that team. I decided not to do it because I didn't wanna get up early on a saturday. That was the next big regret of my life...
When I was 16 I went the USA for 11months on an exchange... I loved it but I wish that I had gone to a country where I needed to learn the language... at least french. I know I wouldn't have met the friends I have now but if I had of gone to a french speaking country... I would have been fluent and I would have aced my french scores at the end of year 12... I would have had a better standing than what I do now - I would be able to understand 80% of what is said in about 4 different languages... I need to mull over what else to say so i'll post more later

intro to me

2006-03-01T12:16:43Z

Well, what is there to say about me... 21, white with freckles, short brown hair and blue eyes and glasses to sharpen objects in the distance...

Life is hectic right now, school is getting into full swing, week 4 is nearly over and I'm redoing some year 12 subjects to improve my score to get into university. I'm hoping to get in for teaching or nursing but nothing it set in stone as yet... still tossing my options around.

This post is just to get me up and running, I will add background to me a little later when I'm not so tired. My car was towed on monday, it's a good thing I suppose but I feel like my freedom has been ripped away from me. The car hadn't been running for at least 5 months so it's not like I could use it but it was a symbol of being able to get my keys and drive when I wanted to. I love my partner and she has no qualms about me driving her car but still it was MY car and it's different you know... and yes i said SHE, so if u are reading this and didn't know that yet.... surprise!!! :D

I have school tomorrow and I'm enjoying it even when I feel outta my depth. Knowledge is power and challenges develop character... or so they say.

I best cut it short for now, and rest my eyes for tomorrow's challenges... will write more soon and feel free to comment...
;) catchya